No Man's Land

I'm tired of disagreeing with people. In a week I'll be the longest serving volunteer in the compound, yet I feel like I'm the only one who isn't ready to crucify the people here for how things are run.

There is a serious communication problem between the staff and the charity, and both sides are very defensive, and as a result tiny little problems become huge ones. There was one time when a volunteer was shouting at the staff at breakfast for 3 days straight because one of the orphans took her yoghurt and she wanted it replaced.

In the past embassies have been involved, and I've heard reports of assassination attempts and volunteers sueing the charity. There's a lot of bullshit to sift through and there's gross exaggerations on both sides, so it's hard to believe a lot of what you hear, but you get the idea of what it's like around here.

I think the main problem is that the programs are not well organized, and people struggle to find things to do. Those who aren't used to taking much initiative start to feel like they aren't helping people much, and that makes the whole trip begin to feel pointless, which is extremely frustrating. That's why I think all the tiny little things become such a big deal.

In my opinion the charity has not handled the situation very well. As a result of the frustration some volunteers have been doing a lot of work outside the official programs. The charity has tried to prevent this and laid down rules banning volunteers from working elsewhere, but in the absence of many rewarding programs they have made themselves look like they are trying to stop the volunteers from helping people, which has exasperated the problem. There has been other silly things like volunteer phone lines being disconnected and a brief ban on volunteers taking anything, their own possessions included, out of the compound. There's an obvious mistrust of the volunteers, and this of course breeds mistrust of the charity.

When I arrived I was a pendulum swinging between the charity and the volunteers, and I soon came to rest in the no man's land between the two groups, and this has left me alienated from everyone. I have been able to keep myself busy and I've found the work I've been doing very rewarding, but in the quiet moments inbetween I've been growing homesick.

I have not seen or heard anything that justifies working against an organization that is putting hundreds of poor children through school, feeding them, and helping impoverished widows to start businesses. It is obvious to me that the happier the volunteers are, the more program fees get paid, and the more orphans get their school fees paid. So I plan to keep trying to work with the charity and relieve some of the tension. I just don't know how many people around here are listening to me anymore.